Hurtings!

This feeling, this funny feeling, no you dont want to feel this feeling,
makes you want to cry, makes you want to blame your own foolish heart.
Everything you think you did seems to be coming undone,
and it breaks you heart, gets you so down that you cant find your escape.
Your moment suddenly seems so far, but you're too in love to let it go,
you knew these days would happen.
This hurt, this hurt, this little heart of mine hurts,
im trying to find myself with something that would make it feel better,
oh you should have never have been so naive.
Just like everyone else you've hit me, are you happy now?
i dont know where im suppose to go, feels like you and i never happened!

walled

Dear God,
i miss you! =(
They dont understand me,they dont wanna sit and listen to my heart but instead they blame me. Is this how my life is suppose to be?? Can't i too have a little love and encouragement?? am i that bad that i dont deserve any??
im blamed for the things i dont understand the reason myself,im made the blacksheep of the family, im made to walk all alone in this big world I feel alone Lord. Sometimes i wish it was me and not my brother you should have chosen=(!!!
broken and lonely,
me!

April 2, 2000

Dear God,

Its been ten years 10 years today since you took away my brother, away from me and my family. I know he’s very happy out there and im happy for him too that he’s better off leaving this insane world. But God, u know what….there are sometimes when i miss him so much, like these very days and i wish you wouldnt have taken him away so soon. He was just sixteen Lord, just sixteen!

You knew he was the closest i had, we were growing up together, dreaming of the big small world to see, but you snatched him away from me…too soon Lord :(!

There are days when i wish i had someone i could run to, someone who would understand me, to open my hurting heart but i realize i got no one. He was all i had. Everyone is so cruel here, all they want is their bits but no one wants to sit and listen to me. My brother would have! My brother would have hugged me,my brother would have believed in me, my brother would have sat with me and not laugh when i cry, my brother would have known the reason when i get sad, my brother would have known my heart behind these smiles. My brother would, he would have known only if he was still here with me today.

Oh Lord, im not blaming you for stealing him away, i just wish you had given me some more years. There’s not a day i pass without remembering him, everyday i miss him. In all the things i do, i wish i could tell it to him, i knew i would have got that same expression that he used to make at me or would it be different today?

Aw God, sometimes i really get jealous when my friends talk about their brothers and their relationship with them. Ive got two lovely brothers u have blessed me with now, i do love them with all my heart but Lord things arent the same:(. Were you jealous of me that i was having the best??:(

It was so sudden the way you took him away. You didnt even give me the chance to say goodbye,why God? were you afraid that i wouldnt have let him go? that wasnt fair! Because not being able to say goodbye is making it more harder for me everyday, the regret and “i wish” never ends!

Can you tell him that i miss him today like i miss him everyday? He was the BEST,Lord.You like having the Best, now you have my best there with you and i got none. Im jealous of you today because you give and u can take.

Take good care of him Lord, keep him safe untill i get there. Im eagerly waiting for the day when ill get him back….i dont care even if you dont give him back to me….im going to stay back with him and you can keep me too:)

Missing my Brother to bits:(!

me