Its funny how time pass by.......how we grow up with every season....come across people you never knew..say goodbye to many a loved ones even if we never wanted to....hurt those closest to u when u know u shouldn't hav done that...do something weird inorder to fit in da "it" group and than realise ure better off being ureself.....get depressed about the things you couldnt succeed even after all the hardwork....feel lost and lonely and you dont kno the reason about why u feel that way.....cry ureself to sleep and question God why all da good thngs have to come to an end?...sometimes miss that someone you dont know who and wish you had smeone too....sit alone and laugh at all da crazy thngs you had done and long so much that you wish you could hav all da gud days back again.....stare into the wide sky and wonder where'll you'l be years from there....watch da sunset n pray you could see ure loved ones face from somewher between da clouds.....realise !!
One time i was just a little girl sitting on my daddy's lap listening to the tales of the world outside my four walled rooms...heaven only remembers what i had imagined and fantasized!! How i wanted to grow up and be free...to see the world myself.Safe and secure under their wings i walked through da years with every door that opened on my way,And with every open door...i grew the little girl in me....than did i realise nothing was the same like i had imagined, i was wrong all these time!!!
21 years ive come across but still i havent found what im lookin for! All these years ive learnt what life is all about...to give love but never expect it in return......to have hope even when i know nuthing is going rite....to hide my tears behind n put on that smile....to trust not everyone bt only the very few that my heart tells me to.....to believe everything happens for the good and to have faith that Jesus is my only best friend!!
There have been so many times ive let my own folks down.....ive never been a good friend like someone whom you could turn on too...cos everytime i get scared that id be of no help. Ive done so many things even when i kno i shouldnt hav done...things i know werent right. Ive said so many words that i shouldnt have said...words i knew were not right...and many unspoken words left unsaid. There have been days when i cried myself to sleep....felt all alone even when i hav so many frens around...felt so lost and wished i was never formed in my mothers womb.......felt so unwanted ....like m just a piece of shit! So many days when i felt broken and meaningless of dese life that m leaving..and wished so much that my life would end at that moment!!!
But even with all dese i had my own shares of joys and happiness......the joy of sharing love....the joy of making memories......the joy of meeting every new stranger...the joy of laughter....the joy of wakin up n thankin God for da beautiful day....the joy of knowin that God loves me and the joy of praising his name!!
Back dan i was young and i thought that life was always sweet n would be the way i want it to be....bt now as i grow dis girl in me..its gettin harder for me to find a meaning to dis life!! Ive learned so many things and i kno there is still so many more to learn and everyday will never be da same again. Its tough getting older but its worth all the while......im no more a liitle girl now....i dont kno yet wher ill be five or ten years from now..but still with the faith of a child i carry on becuse i hav Jesus by my side!
But the hardest part of all which i still cant let myself accept....is the fact of losing my closed ones and to realise the fact that ill never ever see them again in my life:(!
