HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Blow this candle and make a wish....
a wish for the new year that has come,
a wish for the dreamthat you always wanted to see,
a wish for a life you wanted to have.
Close your eyes and say a prayer,
maybe for the star that you wanted to be,
maybe for the love that you looked for,
maybe for the life that you have missed.
Another year,another wish to make,
a wish that we made a wish today,
a wish that we never said goodbye,
a wish for all these wishes to come true.
I Blow this candle for you,
I make a wish for you,
i know the party's much better up there,
With all the saints and angels to sing for you,
But hear me sing for you too....
Happy Birthday to you....
may God always take care of you!!
I always miss you.....!:)

How does it feel????

Wonder how it feels to be living without ever having said "goodbye" to some one who means the world to us.....
Wonder how it feels to miss that someone and know that we'll be seeing each other again and not live with the fact that you'll never see them again but only in heaven!
Wonder how it feels to live without being sick......no pretence but really live without any medicines and pain that one goes through,
Wonder how it feels to get what we wish for atleast for once and not just what we only want!
Wonder How it feels to complete a day with just happiness and not cry when the night falls.
Wonder how it feels to be loved and loved and not feel the presence of loneliness atleast for a day!
Wonder how it feels to feel all of these........
Wish i knew how it feels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RACING CARS!!

Another endless day......i cry back to my consciousness,

the coldness grips my skin as i remember that day....

silently i watch the dark sky to make myself feel better!

Lost with loneliness by my side.... i leave my footprints here,

feel like a stranger still.....even though ive already been here for always.

Party and all the things these mens play....these are the good life that's what they say,

and as i stare at them, they ask me "is that where you belong?"

They tell me im looking for something that can never be found,

just missing out the things by just standing where i am!

I wish so hard that i could prove them wrong.....to feel sorry for them,

but it so happens they always reach wherever they want...

while i still struggle with all the breaks and the bends and....

Sometimes it all feels like im just walking on like ive missed the place...

but than i hear a voice calling out to me to keep on moving.

I remember when i first held the wheel in my own hands,

took the steering so eagerly and drove myself away....

away into this distant land with many a milestone left behind.

It was easy than but now there's too many bend on the road...

too many blocks....yet still i drive on gripping hard on the steering!

Many passed me by....all looking out for something,

some may have found...some may be still searching....

like racing cars, i race myself into these long unwinding road,

keeping my speed through this darkness of odyssy,

leaving a prayer for all those who've stayed behind.....

I'm learning to live with God's gift....the lights are blinding....

but i know i'll reach somewhere soon..

because i know these wide open spaces are going to take me.....

close to the horizon that is far yet so near.....close to where i belong!!!!!!!

Christams joys:D

Its 11.16pm,6th december......and soon after another half an hour itll be 7th december than 8th than 9th....than itll be 20th n ill be flying home and wen 21st comes ill be 'home sweet home':) for christmas time with my family and relatives. Its almost been a year since ive been home so you know the excitement im going through right now is like...."WOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW"..lol!! Our family we got this really different tradition that is when everyone celebrates their thanksgiving on november...'My family' does it on the 30th of december:))! This day all the relatives get together from morning 6am..We have a prayer fasting till 11am....our parents let us off early...i mean they pray for us then let us out...while they continue praying [PS: me and the other kids we dont follow this fasting rule...as soon as were out.....our fav spot..."The Dinning room":D]!! I'll tell you me and my cousins we totally love the get together but jus dont like the part of getting up so early in the morning especially on a december morning...when its so freaking cold...and all you want to do is keep having sweet dreams...warm under your blanket:))!!!

I dont know how you all feel but for me christmas time is all about sharing the joy and love with one another more than how much we have shared throughout the whole year<3.

Its such a beautiful time of the year......happiness just flows endlessly...my smile is stuck to my face..lol!! How wonderful Jesus was born in this time of the year.....just imagine him..'a lil baby lying on the manger'..the stars shining upon him..the wise mens kneeling before him with all the goodies;)!!

Ive already started wishing people a merry christmas....but when i do so...some of them they give me that weird look on their face.."why is she wishing so early" looks u kno..hehhe!! But i dont care for me the whole december is christmas time:))! I miss being at home at this time...i always miss the part of decorating the house and lighting of the christams tree.

And yeah i miss my Delhi days too....my praise and worship team in the church, the advnt christmas celebrations...church gatherings..youth fellowships:))..! Last year our church in Delhi we celebrated the advnt christmas at my uncle's place...it was so fun.....singing carols.... dramas...dances....gift exchange and my favourite part...Dinner:p..lol!! those were the days:((!

This year im stuck up in the college with exams......not studying at all but only counting bout the days left to go hme:P [even rite nw]!!

I think im already writing too much and its already 7th morning...0.16am..lol!! Gotta say goodnight to the day!!.....

M going to continue with the-coutning-the- days:0....i hope you all have a beautiful blessed christmas as well:)).....!! Ill catch up with my christmas-at-home story later:))!!!

God bless you......lov ya<3......

MERRY CHRISTMAS:)

A victim of circumstance, ive been exposed to tragedy.So young when i hit the bottom of my life. It all seems so unfair,why do sadness always have to grow inside of me.Loving memory of our childhood days,so innocent,eyes wide open. Wonder how those days just flew away. I see your name etched on the stone and i feel i could suffocate. Feel so empty when i cry like a part of me has died. You never really had so much like the way im being blessed with so much in my life. You left so soon,before we could even spread our wings into the summer air. Winter has come,another year's coming to an end. Another christmas without you here to celebrate, just another hard goodbye to the year we never had together. Thousand days since you slipped away on that spring sunday....pictures of you are fading,but your memories are still so fresh. A memory i can never erase...a picture safe inside my heart. I feel more than sad when i miss you....and i wonder when will i get there to you to have a summer that will never pass. Blowing this candle off i make a wish for the coming new year,the same old wish that i wont miss you as much as i missed you this year!!!

I MISS YOU:(

OBVIOUS<*><*>!!!

Theres a direction i follow but there are these days ,

when i lose myself into the wide open spaces because of a reason that gets in my way,

a reason i never knew it would let my head rule my heart!

Standing in da center, i stare at the horizon at the end of the road,

the one that'l take me to where you are.

I know i have nothing that i deserve to have you,

but i wish there was something inside of me to keep you beside me.

Two different people with no common grounds...

yet i want to stand where i can see, watching you love me.

I wanna learn how to steal ure heart like the way you stole my heart...

to make you go weak in the knees like that affect u make in me...

and the untold smile upon my face!!

Ive come this far in a world full of strangers and believe me you are the sight..

i wouldnt wish to let go but hold safe even the shadows.

I can't call you mine cause i can't really call myself yours..

and if we are meant to be than let destiny justify.

This may not make any sense to you...

or to any of the other people around us...

but you somehow affect the things i do.

They say we can never lose what we never had.....

but i dont kno why i still feel sad when you are not here.

Your somewhere close but yet so far....

At times the world gets too big for me and i wish i had u here by my side,

because its just not easy to always stay tied together with a smile.<3

the tough side of getting older.....

Its funny how time pass by.......how we grow up with every season....come across people you never knew..say goodbye to many a loved ones even if we never wanted to....hurt those closest to u when u know u shouldn't hav done that...do something weird inorder to fit in da "it" group and than realise ure better off being ureself.....get depressed about the things you couldnt succeed even after all the hardwork....feel lost and lonely and you dont kno the reason about why u feel that way.....cry ureself to sleep and question God why all da good thngs have to come to an end?...sometimes miss that someone you dont know who and wish you had smeone too....sit alone and laugh at all da crazy thngs you had done and long so much that you wish you could hav all da gud days back again.....stare into the wide sky and wonder where'll you'l be years from there....watch da sunset n pray you could see ure loved ones face from somewher between da clouds.....realise !!

One time i was just a little girl sitting on my daddy's lap listening to the tales of the world outside my four walled rooms...heaven only remembers what i had imagined and fantasized!! How i wanted to grow up and be free...to see the world myself.Safe and secure under their wings i walked through da years with every door that opened on my way,And with every open door...i grew the little girl in me....than did i realise nothing was the same like i had imagined, i was wrong all these time!!!

21 years ive come across but still i havent found what im lookin for! All these years ive learnt what life is all about...to give love but never expect it in return......to have hope even when i know nuthing is going rite....to hide my tears behind n put on that smile....to trust not everyone bt only the very few that my heart tells me to.....to believe everything happens for the good and to have faith that Jesus is my only best friend!!

There have been so many times ive let my own folks down.....ive never been a good friend like someone whom you could turn on too...cos everytime i get scared that id be of no help. Ive done so many things even when i kno i shouldnt hav done...things i know werent right. Ive said so many words that i shouldnt have said...words i knew were not right...and many unspoken words left unsaid. There have been days when i cried myself to sleep....felt all alone even when i hav so many frens around...felt so lost and wished i was never formed in my mothers womb.......felt so unwanted ....like m just a piece of shit! So many days when i felt broken and meaningless of dese life that m leaving..and wished so much that my life would end at that moment!!!

But even with all dese i had my own shares of joys and happiness......the joy of sharing love....the joy of making memories......the joy of meeting every new stranger...the joy of laughter....the joy of wakin up n thankin God for da beautiful day....the joy of knowin that God loves me and the joy of praising his name!!

Back dan i was young and i thought that life was always sweet n would be the way i want it to be....bt now as i grow dis girl in me..its gettin harder for me to find a meaning to dis life!! Ive learned so many things and i kno there is still so many more to learn and everyday will never be da same again. Its tough getting older but its worth all the while......im no more a liitle girl now....i dont kno yet wher ill be five or ten years from now..but still with the faith of a child i carry on becuse i hav Jesus by my side!

But the hardest part of all which i still cant let myself accept....is the fact of losing my closed ones and to realise the fact that ill never ever see them again in my life:(!